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What are the best astronomy jokes you've ever heard? I'm looking for images; however, you can share whatever you like.

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migrated from astronomy.stackexchange.com Feb 3 '16 at 21:09

This question came from our site for astronomers and astrophysicists.

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    $\begingroup$ The IAU. There are more jokes about astronomers than about astronomy. $\endgroup$ – LocalFluff Feb 3 '16 at 16:55
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    $\begingroup$ jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijokes is the largest collection I'm aware of. No images though. $\endgroup$ – barrycarter Feb 3 '16 at 16:56
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    $\begingroup$ In space, no one can hear you laugh. @barrycarter That list should be sent as a SETI-message to the aliens. If they don't have a sense of humor, then we better ignore them anyway. $\endgroup$ – LocalFluff Feb 3 '16 at 17:02
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    $\begingroup$ I moved the question to meta because it's definitely off-topic on the regular site, but still interesting enough that it should be appropriate somewhere. $\endgroup$ – Donald.McLean Feb 3 '16 at 21:15
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    $\begingroup$ You can always count on Sidney Harris. $\endgroup$ – Dave Feb 4 '16 at 0:03
  • $\begingroup$ You can also always count on Randall Munroe. $\endgroup$ – David Hammen Feb 4 '16 at 4:30
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    $\begingroup$ Thanks everyone for the links :) Is no earthling interested in posting an answer? $\endgroup$ – Dumbledore Feb 4 '16 at 14:02
  • $\begingroup$ How many jokes per answer? $\endgroup$ – Daniel Cann Feb 4 '16 at 17:24
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    $\begingroup$ @DanielCann 400,000,000,000 would be a good start. $\endgroup$ – LocalFluff Feb 4 '16 at 17:39
  • $\begingroup$ @LocalFluff I second that!! $\endgroup$ – Dumbledore Feb 4 '16 at 17:43
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    $\begingroup$ As long as no one starts with: "are you a string theorist?" "No, I'm a frayed knot". $\endgroup$ – barrycarter Feb 12 '16 at 2:13

14 Answers 14

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The HR diagram of astronomers

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I like this one.

enter image description here

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enter image description here

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Three astronomers go out for dinner at a conference - an optical astronomer, an X-ray astronomer and a neutrino astrophysicist.

Incredibly, when the soup arrives, they all have a fly swimming about in it.

The optical astronomer uses his spoon to flip the fly out, splashing a lot of soup all over the table in the process.

The X-ray astronomer carefully fishes out the fly with his spoon, picks out the fly and drops the remaining soup from the spoon back into the bowl.

The neutrino astronomer does the same, but taps the fly vigorously, shouting "spit it out, spit out"!

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I dare an "answer". God's finger is a natural joke from the heavens. (Don't take it personally, it is meant to all of us)

enter image description here

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    $\begingroup$ A "positive thinking" interpretation is that it is turned away from us. As in f* all of the universe in that direction. I hope they don't mind, or don't have fingers, rather than having fingers but no minds. Nothing good will come out of this anyway. $\endgroup$ – LocalFluff Feb 4 '16 at 17:44
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    $\begingroup$ Many with a master and even a PhD in astrophysics get a job in finance instead of in science. Because they know how to count numbers and such, which the economists are clueless about. The accountant sums the numbers a thousand and two trillions to two. Two numbers. Each one put in its own account box in the bank's Excel sheet. But considering the in/deflation and the trillions of dollars of dark deficit and the negative interest rate over spacetime, it seems as if the greedy astro students have made society a disfavour. $\endgroup$ – LocalFluff Feb 4 '16 at 17:57
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enter image description here

This annoys so many chemists. :)

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  • $\begingroup$ This is by far my favourite! $\endgroup$ – Reinstate Monica Aug 11 '18 at 23:47
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What kind of songs do the planets like to sing? Nep-tunes

What does an astronomer blow with gum? Hubbles

A neutrino walks into a bar...and keeps right on going...

Yeah, these were awful but great...

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Quantum mechanics = best mechanics enter image description here

And this one is on my schools maths classroom

enter image description here

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Poor Disney...

enter image description here

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enter image description here

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A galaxy walks into a tavern. The innkeeper shouts: "Hey you, get out, you're barred!".

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How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? It’s a little meteor

Why didn’t the Dog Star laugh at the joke? It was too Sirius

What does a star win in a competition? A constellation prize

What’s the worst thing about throwing a party in space? You have to planet

I'm sorry XD

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I might aswell add a classic joke.

Did you know entropy used to never be the same?

Here's another one.

What did Heisenberg say to Schrodinger when they were restrained from a fight?

Let me atom!

Atom, at him... I'm so good...

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    $\begingroup$ It took me 5 minutes to get the second joke (even though you explained it at the bottom)....LOL :) $\endgroup$ – Dumbledore Feb 8 '16 at 18:24
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Two spiral galaxies walk into a bar.

The first one goes up to the bar and asks for two drinks, one for him and one for his friend.

The barman looks suspiciously at the second spiral galaxy and says “I’m sorry but I can’t serve your friend, he’ll have to go.”

The first spiral galaxy complains, “Why can’t you serve him?”

The barman replies, “Because he’s barred.”

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